i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
