Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
