Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
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I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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