How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I've blown a few things in my day
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
