Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
