Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
