You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
