Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
