Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
