dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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