She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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