just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
