I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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