I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
