Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
