Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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