yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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