Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
