I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
