dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
