He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
