You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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