We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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