it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Houston, we have a blender
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
