they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
