What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
