laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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