Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
