i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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