For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
