things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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