Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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