We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
