She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
