woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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