i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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