adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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