batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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