I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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