Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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