Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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