Pants 0. Shit 1.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
