I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
