Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
