I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
