If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
