I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
two words...techno handjob
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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