loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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