just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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