I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
