I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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