i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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