one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
