Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
