Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
