I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
