ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
