Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we made out on top of his cat.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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