I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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