wanna go halves on a baby?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
