No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
