yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
