party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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