i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
