mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
